Haunted Moon Yonder
by DarkSharknado
Summary: Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg are sent to a spaghetti western themed planet to make a delivery. Only to get captured by an evil sheriff who had taken over the planet and put it in a recession. It's up to Fry, Leela, and Bender to save the day. Bonus! The ending includes a look at the Planet Express crew 10 years from now.


Work Text:

Futurama

The theme song sounds like a theme to a western movie.

"At Least It's Not Jersey Shore"!

Screen: A Yogi Bear cartoon.

Scene 1:

It was the first day of summer at Planet Express. Farnsworth was talking to Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg.

Farnsworth: Good news, just the three of you!

Hermes: What is it, Professor?

Amy: Are we going to have fun today since it's the first day of summer?

Zoidberg: (getting all hyper): Zoidberg wants to know! Zoidberg wants to know! Enquiring minds want to know!

Amy: Like me!

Farnsworth: Since Fry, Bender, and Leela are out getting my groceries, you guys are going on a delivery mission!

Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg: Hooray!

Farnsworth: You three are going to deliver hay to a moon called 'Haunted Moon Yonder'.

Hermes: What's it like there?

Zoidberg: Sounds scary!

Farnsworth: You'll see when you get there. But one thing.

Amy: What is it?

Farnsworth: The Planet Express ship is under repairs and it won't be ready until tomorrow! Until then, you'll have to make do with this! Sal!

Sal walks in with a broken down spaceship.

Sal: You losers will have to use this for your mission! Ha! Ha! (Walks out)

Amy: Spleesh! No wonder Leela gets so mad abut rednecks!

Farnsworth: It has a GPS system to help you get there. Off you go!

Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg all board the broken down spaceship.

Scene 2:

Two weeks later.

Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg never came back from the mission. Their pictures were plastered all over New New York. Farnsworth gets an angry call from Leo and Inez!

Farnsworth: (talking on a vidphone): You have to understand! They've been wanting to go on a mission, and I let them!

Leo: You bring Amy back, now!

Inez: Yes, you bring her back so she can give us grandchild!

Leo: If you don't, I'll buy Planet Express, bulldoze it and turn it into a golf course only rich people can come!

Farnsworth: Don't worry, I'll do what I can!

Leo and Inez: You better! (hangs up vidphone).

Just then Labarbra, Dwight and Cubert walk in.

Farnsworth: Yes?

Labarbra (hitting Farnsworth with sugar cane branches): This is for letting my husband go on a mission and end up missing!

Dwight: I might end up with a stepfather!

Cubert: Hey, that looks illogical! Can I join?

Labarbra: (stops hitting): You better bring back Hermes! Or we'll sue you!

Labarbra, Dwight, and Cubert leave. Fry, Bender, and Leela walk in.

Farnsworth: Threats! Threats! I can't take it anymore!

Leela: We're back after that two weeks off you gave us.

Fry: And during those two weeks, Bender made me a mix CD of songs from the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's and changed the lyrics to all of them and made them about me being skinny!

Bender: That was the best present you ever had! You know it was!

Farnsworth: Anyway, you three are my last hope!

Bender: Aww, man! Hate being the last hope! Too much work!

Fry: I agree.

Leela: Where did you send the others?

Farnsworth: I sent them to Haunted Moon Yonder! Forgot to tell them what it's like there.

Bender: What's it like? I want this over with!

Farnsworth: It's a moon inhibited by reptiles and cactuses. The only mammals are horses. The moon's culture is based on spaghetti westerns!

Fry: Spaghetti westerns? My brother Yancy was a fan. He kept bragging about it. (imitates Yancy): 'While you're watching baby cartoons about Pac-Man and Q*Bert, I'm watching spaghetti westerns!' My parents always liked his interests better than mine!

Bender: Does this mean you're the black sheep of your family?

Leela: Don't worry Professor, we'll get them back!

Farnsworth: You better, because I'm getting threats from the Wongs and the Conrads!

Bender: What about the Zoidbergs?

Farnsworth: Nothing from them.

Bender: No surprise there!

Leela: Where is Haunted Moon Yonder?

Farnsworth: Right behind the planet Urectum! Go now before Planet Express is doomed! DOOMED!

Leela: At least the ship is fixed.

Fry, Bender, and Leela board the Planet Express ship and take off.

Scene 3:

The Planet Express ship is making it's destination to Haunted Moon Yonder!

Fry: Don't mean to sound cruel, but for once someone else is kidnapped besides me for a change.

Bender: They never liked us anyway! Good riddance!

Leela: Why are you acting so uppity about this, Fry?

Fry: Why do I always miss out on the adventure? First I missed out on Mom's space train mission. Second, I get sick and left behind with Scruffy feeding me horehound soup while you all break Zoidberg out of prison...

Bender: Fry, for the last time, we did not have fun in Pittsburgh!

Fry: And third...hmmmm...(long pause) That's funny. Don't remember the third.

Bender: Well, you...

Leela: Don't tell him! We erased his memory of that.

Bender: Fine! (mutters and drinks a beer)

Leela: Very important Fry never remembers the whole 'Wernzilla' incident!

Bender: Wernstrom's assistant Kelton got out of his coma and is now on Death Row from what I've heard.

Fry: Whoever this Kelton is, I hope he accidently gets sent to Robot Hell when he dies.

Bender: I'm so proud of you for developing this mean streak! (oriental accent): You are learning the ways of the mean streak oh, skinny one!

Leela: We're here. And you have the right to be human, Fry!

The ship landed on Haunted Moon Yonder. Bender stops Fry and Leela from stepping out.

Bender: Wait! Wait! If we're on a western-themed moon, we have to look the part!

Bender takes out ponchos and cowboy hats from his chest compartment and puts them on Fry, Leela, and then himself.

Leela: Where did you get these?

Bender: Clint Eastwood's head. He owed me a favor! (imitating Dirty Harry) 'Do ya feel ready, punks? Well, do ya?!'

They all get off the ship and are greeted by frogs and geckos.

Gecko #1: Well, hello! Wanna save some money on spaceship insurance?

Frog #1: Oh, great gray one! You are our savior!

Fry: (gasping for air): Oh, snap! It's so hot here!

Bender: I already know I'm great! but being a savior is even better!

Leela: Why is he the chosen one?

Frog #2: He's the one who can save us from Sheriff Cavington!

Gecko #1: Let me explain. Sheriff Cavington is an evil, corrupt policeman who took over this town with his ponzi schemes. He ruined the whole planet! He's an iguana and he has snakes working for him to kidnap or kill anything or anyone that comes here.

Gecko #2: Yes, since Cavington's been Sheriff, our economy collapsed, our homes foreclosed, and we all lost out jobs! The only place to work is the flea market.

Gecko #1: Worst yet, I lost my job selling spaceship insurance!

Leela: Don't worry, we'll help you. We came here because our friends of ours are missing here.

Frog #1: Yeah, we saw them! Cavington arrested them! They gave us hay for our horses!

Frog #2: Also, Cavington and his band of snakes declared war on us! Will you help us, Oh, great gray one?

Bender: Well, since this mission is about me! I'll do it!

Frogs and Geckos: Hooray!

Gecko #1: (giving Bender a badge): You are now Sheriff, Oh, great gray one!

Fry: Wait, isn't a war supposed to _help_ a failing economy?

Frog #1: We'll take you to the flea market and get you a stagecoach with a horse!

Frog #2: We'll get our jobs and houses back!

Gecko #1: I'll go back to selling spaceship insurance!

Bender: You bet we will!

Leela: You bet we will!

Fry: You bet...(coughs)...we...(coughs)...will!

The Frogs and Geckos lead them to the Flea Market all the while chanting 'you bet we will!'

Scene 4:

Meanwhile at the Sheriff's office in the local jail, Cavington had Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg locked in a jail cell.

Hermes: Why did you lock us in here?

Amy: All we did was delivery something!

Zoidberg: Let me out of here! I'm too young and handsome to be in jail!

Cavington: Silence! You're in here because we don't like anyone intruding on my moon! We even broke your spaceship!

Snake #1: Sir! There's more intruders on this moon! What do we do?

Cavington: Cactus Zack!

Cactus Zack enters the room. He's a cactus dressed as a cowboy.

Cactus Zack: Want me to go get those others, boss?

Cavington: Yes! Go now!

Cactus Zack: Already ahead of you! I've set so many traps so they will never come to you!

Cavington: Excellent!

Fry, Bender, and Leela were in the stagecoach riding across the moon desert on the lookout for traps. Along the way they see broken down businesses, and foreclosed homes. Also, frogs and geckos begging in the streets.

Leela: Nice of those frogs and geckos to give us this stagecoach! Like the horse, too!

Bender: I like these laser rifles! And the horse is named Whiskey!

Fry: It would be nice if this stagecoach had air conditioning!

Cactus Zack watches them from a distance as he pulls down a rope.

Cactus Zack: This is it! This is it!

The boulder meant for the stagecoach misses. Cactus Zack pulls another rope.

Cactus Zack: Now, I gotcha! Ha! ha!

Cactus Zack is unaware that the other boulder is landing on him, once he notices, he tries to run away.

Cactus Zack: (screaming) splat!

Bender: Ahhh, this is the cowboy's life. Cool costumes, Being the hero, having two idiot helpers!

Leela: Remember we're doing this for the frogs and geckos to give them their moon back. Don't forget Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg, too!

Fry: Can I take off this poncho, now?

Bender: No! As sheriff I order you to leave it on! It's supposed to look authentic!

Fry: (gasping) So hot! Water! Water!

Scene 5:

Cactus Zack set two more traps. This time he painted a tunnel in a mountain.

Cactus Zack: It's Chapter 10! A tunnel in the mountain!

The stagecoach goes into the painted tunnel!

Cactus Zack: What? No! It can't be!

Cactus Zack runs to the mountain where he painted and bumps into it.

The stagecoach is in the cave.

Fry: (sighs) Finally some relief!

Leela hands Fry a canteen and out comes sand.

Fry: Blech! Isn't there any water here?

Bender: (taking the canteen and throwing it): AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Bender's throwing the canteen broke another hole in the cave leading the way out.

Leela: Light at the end of the tunnel! Man, these traps are lame!

They discover it's nighttime, so they camp in the stagecoach. Bender builds a fire.

Bender: Welp, chumps. We'll start fresh in the morning!

Leela: Where are the sleeping bags?

Bender: That's the code of the cowboy and the way of the west, Leela! We don't need sleeping bags! Good night Slim Jim and Eyeball!

Fry: (shivering): First it's hot in the day! Now it's cold at night! Should've brought my pajamas, and most of all...water! (gasps)...Water!

Bender: FRY! SHUT THE BEEP UP! I swear to Robot God you're worthless! Patrick Wayne had more guts than you! All you did was complain about everything and...

Leela: Bender, please...

Bender: You shut up, too Eyeball! I'm in charge here! Because why? I'm the sheriff! I'm going to teach you two to be cowboys whether you like it or not! Now go to sleep pawn to your scrawny. By the way, you're proof that skinny people don't make good cowboys, Fry!

Ever seen 'Shakiest Gun in the West'?

Leela: Okay, Bender! We give in. You win. We'll go to sleep.

Fry, Bender, and Leela all go to sleep.

Bender: Heh heh! I love being in charge! (closing his eyes) 01100001111100000111111100001010!

Scene 6:

The next day, they wake up and head out to the Sheriff's Office which is also a jail. Cactus Zack had one last trap for them. This time, he puts glue on railroad tracks.

Cactus Zack: (watching): Yes! They're headed in this direction! Third try's the charm!

Leela sees the super glue on the railroad tracks.

Leela: Bender, this is a good time to use the lasso!

Bender grabs a rope from the back and lassoes it to a tree growing out of a cliff.

Bender: Get ready! We're about to be airbourne!

The stagecoach flies over the railroad tracks for 8 seconds and the first 12 notes from the 'Dixie' tune played.

Whiskey the Horse: (neighing): Ohhhhh, boyyyyy!

Bender: (In southern accent): Right 'bout that time them duke boys just sprung another trap!

Fry and Leela laugh.

Cactus Zack: Dammit!

Cactus Zack runs to the railroad tracks where they glue was trying to figure out what he did wrong. Then a train comes as he struggles to get away.

Cactus Zack: (panics) Can't let Cavington down!

Cactus Zack tries to get away as the train approaches.

Cactus Zack: Gotta get away! Gotta get away! Gotta get away! Gotta get aw...(screams)

Train hits him as he screams. Cactus Zack is stuck on the front of the train like a hood ornament and the train crashes into a mountain. That is a last of Cactus Zack as his hand comes up and waves a white flag. Meanwhile, back at the stagecoach.

Leela: Wow, Bender! That was impressive the way you lassoed us away from that trap!

Fry: You know, I'm really starting to enjoy this! This has been a really fun adventure! If only he had some, (gasps) Water! Water!

Bender: Don't even think about it, Fry! Sometimes I even impress myself. That was a signature Bender move!

Leela: You impress yourself just be existing!

Fry: It's a good thing those frogs and geckos told us the jail is across the desert.

Bender: This may be a fun adventure, but all I've seen here in this desert was run down businesses and broken homes! BOR-ING!

Leela: Look out! We got company ahead!

The snakes who work for Cavington are blocking their path.

Bender: Oops! We might be boned! Hey, snakes! Take my friends, please!

Scene 7:

The snakes stop the stagecoach in it's tracks. The snakes were all dressed like Mexican Bandits.

Bender: These guys look Mexican! Since I'm from Mexico, I'll speak Spanish! Que Paso Amgios?

Snake #1: Have no idea what you're talking about.

Fry: Oh, so they speak English.

Leela: What do you want from us?

Snake #2: To ask these questions.

Snake #3: What are your names?

Fry: Phillip J. Fry!

Leela: Turanga Leela!

Bender: Bender Bending Rodriguiz!

Snake #1: What is your quest?

Leela: To save our friends and give this moon back to the frogs and geckos!

Snake #2: What is your favorite color?

Bender: the color I am! Gray!

Fry: Blue! No wait, purple! I mean, red!

Snake #3: They didn't answer our questions, get them!

The Snakes try to get on the stagecoach and attack. Fry screamed while Bender and Leela reached for their laser rifles.

Fry: These snakes are worse than O'Reilly and Hannity!

Bender: (shooting at the snakes): GET OFF MY LAWN!

The snakes get shot up by Bender and Leela. Then they continue to go their way.

Leela: Yes! We did it! Why did you say, 'lawn'?

Bender: Just thought it would be something cool to say.

Fry: What could be worse?

Up ahead, they see what they think is an oasis.

Fry: Yes! Water finally! We have water!

Bender: There he goes again with the water.

Leela: Don't be fooled Fry. It's probably a mirage.

They approach and see nothing there. However, an old man's head in a jar on a manniquin in underwear comes up to the stagecoach. The man is Peter Graves's head.

Fry: Damn! You're right! It was a mirage!

Peter Graves's Head: Congratulations Planet Express crew! You are at the end of your quest.

Fry: Just hope I can get some water, soon.

Leela: Hey, aren't you the host of Biography on AA&EEE?

Bender: What they hell do you want from us you old fart?

Peter Graves's Head: While I take you to the jail, I want to take you three on a Rogue's Gallery of famous biographies in their underwear! This is Peter Graves and I am in my underwear!

Fry, Bender, and Leela: (screaming in fear)!

Bender: This dude's nucking futs!

Leela: We'll find the jail ourselves!

They all take off fast in the stagecoach!

Bender: (shouting at the horse): Go, Whiskey! Go!

Peter Graves's Head: Wait! Wait! I want to tell you all about Biography! (tries to run and falls over) Oh, beep!

Scene 8:

They finally approach the jail where Cavington is holding Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg.

Cavington: What? So they're the intruders who've been running around this moon, eh? Since all my henchmen failed, I'll get them myself!

Hermes: Sweet sands of Kazastan! We're saved!

Amy: Fry, Bender, and Leela found us!

Zoidberg: They're here to save Zoidberg!

Cavington: Over my dead body! I'll kill you all!

Fry, Bender, and Leela got out of the stagecoach. Fry sees a horse trough full of water and runs to it.

Fry: Yes! Finally! (drinks out of the horse trough).

Song: AFI's Sacriledge Plays.

Leela: Cavington, reveal yourself now!

Bender: For there's a new Sheriff in town! Me, Bender!

Cavington comes out of the jail in a steamroller that had claws on it's sides. The metal claws grabbed Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg.

Leela: Don't worry, we'll save you!

Bender: Enough of the reassuring! Let's kick some iguana ass!

Leela and Bender fight off the steamroller. First they tried their laser rifles, but fail. Then they get on the steamroller and beat up Cavington. Leela does karate while Bender punches and kicks him. They succeed until another claw grabs Leela and Bender and throws them off. Fry was done drinking and was too scared to join the fight. So Fry watches by hiding behind the cactus.

Fry: I'm staying out of this. I'm not fighting type.

Cavington: Nobody messes with Sheriff Cavington! Now, you will feel the pain of my steamroller! With you intruders no longer in my way, Haunted Moon Yonder will be mine, forever! (laughs evilly).

Leela: This isn't over! Bender, do you remember when the Professor installed that drill in your arm?

Bender's hand goes inside his arm and out comes the drill.

Bender: You mean, this?

Leela: Use it on the gas tank! All right Cavington! You're really going to pay now! You took away this moon from those innocent frogs and geckos and you kidnapped our friends! Bender, go!

Bender runs to the gas tank of the steamroller!

Bender: SCREW YOU!

Cavington screams and the metal claws let go of Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg. The steamroller explodes. Cavington is all knocked out and Bender and Leela beat him up some more. Just then, all the frogs and geckos come to congratulate them. Then the DOOP ship lands next to the jail and out comes Zapp and Kiff who've been after Cavington for quite some time. Mayor Poopenmeyer is with them as well.

(Song Ends).

Zapp: (comes up to Cavington): Cavington, we've been after you for a long time. You're under arrest for moon domination and ponzi schemes. (leads Cavington away).

Kiff runs to Amy.

Amy: Kiffy! My so-to-be fonfon rou!

Kiff: Amy!

Kiff and Amy hugged and kissed each other.

Amy: It was terrible.

Kiff: It's okay, you're safe now!

Fry: Is it over?

Whiskey the Horse: Hey, Fry! I saw you! You just drank out of the thing we use for a toilet!

Fry: Eeeeewwwww! (gags)

Zapp: Ha! Typical cowardly Fry! Why am I not surprised? (walks up to Leela): So, since I helped you take down a villain and save this moon, are we on the road to being cool, again?

Leela: (hits Zapp): We were never cool!

Hermes: Thank you for saving us! I never want to go on another mission again!

Zoidberg: Ditto!

Frog #1: It's really Sheriff Bender who saved the day!

Gecko #2: Thanks to Bender I can go back to selling spaceship insurance!

The Frogs and Geckos carry Bender mosh-pit style, and chant "Bender! Bender! Bender!"

Bender: This was the best mission ever!

Overtime Haunted Moon Yonder went back to the way it used to be before Cavington's rule. Everyone clapped and cheered.

Mayor Poopenmeyer: Sorry, Zapp! You're not the hero here. The Planet Express crew here deserves the award! Once you all go back home, I'll make a parade in their honor!

Zapp: (shocked): Say, WHAT?!

Kiff: HA! HA!

The Frogs and Geckos said their final goodbyes. Back in New New York Mayor Poopenmeyer gave everyone medals and a parade in their honor like he promised.

Bender: Better enjoy these medals while your can, because I'm pawning them! (laughs).

Hermes: That's our Bender!

Leela: Hey, Professor , whatever happened to that Planet Express you built in L.A.?

Farnsworth: I gave the jobs to people who live there.

Amy: Guess it wasn't meant to be. I like New New York, anyway.

Fry: It's just as well, I never could've adjusted to living in another state, anyway.

Zoidberg: I couldn't afford to live there!

Everyone: Shut up, Zoidberg!

Zoidberg: (crying).

There was a big parade in their honor for saving Haunted Moon Yonder from the evil Cavington. Then Nibbler comes out of Bender's chest compartment and eats their medals and runs up the screen as fireworks are in the background.

Nibbler: Good-bye!

Scene 9 Conclusion:

10 Years Later:

Fry and Leela are married. They have two twins a boy and a girl named Yancy and Munda. They still work at Planet Express but as a moonlighting job and found better opportunities. Leela is now the new captain of DOOP. Fry became a stay at home father and a best selling author writing about his adventures with Planet Express and his past. .

Bender married Angelyne and has no kids. Bender opened his own beer brewery 'Benderbrau'. Angelyne divorced Flexo, and still works at the Bending Factory.

Farnsworth dies 5 years ago and Cubert was made to take over Planet Express. Dwight becomes an accountant like his father and even owns the Harlem Globtrotters. Hermes and Labarbra went back to Jamaica and retired. They also started their own Olympic Limboing team.

Zapp was disgraced and lost his job as the captain of DOOP. He now has his own fishing store and is married to Morgan Proctor. They are now living as trailer trash.

Kiff and Amy are married. Kiff achieved his dream by opening his own fabric store. Amy is now a teaching assisant as Mars University and is the 'mother' of Kappa Kappa Wong. Leo died of disease and Inez works for Kiff.

Zoidberg has his own free clinic and still remains alone.

Even though the Planet Express crew have gone their separate ways, they still work there and they remain friends and will always have fun and exciting adventures!

THE END!

Closing Credits


End file.
